37 came too fast

So today is my 37th birthday.  Cole was going to join me at work today but because I was funding a new deal ($650,000 first mortgage/bridge financing for 10 days - 3711 15th Street SW) he wouldn't have gotten any work done because I was running around all morning.  I was able to see everyone at the house today before I left for work which was great.  I have a great family and feel very blessed (although under qualified) to be a father and a husband. This afternoon I will be working away at my desk looking to get through the pile of emails sitting in my inbox as well as getting through some of the items on my task list.  I have some neat opportunities to work on and it looks like I will have a few hours to myself to take a look at some of them. 37 is not cool.  I never thought I would turn 37. I obviously knew I would turn 37 one day but that day seemed so far in the future and now it is here.  I guess I thought I would have achieved more. I look at my life and think maybe I have wasted or squandered too much time on useless things. Granted I have an amazing family and think we are all doing ok but somehow it doesn't seem like enough.  I don't know what enough would look like so this is mostly just babbling but I feel some despair today and wish I was more of what God asks me to be and less of what I desire to be (selfishly). But it is not a total downer - I was able to FaceTime with Cade today and we talked about having a movie night tonight (maybe watching a good movie after the girls go to bed!) and I am reminded of how maybe family is the goal.  All the other "stuff" in this world is an endless tunnel of nothing and the relationship with family is everything. Here's to another year of pursuing my purpose of living a life that raises God's name high.